Taming Fear, the Little Word with a Big Voice

Fear talks to people. And when they listen, this is what can happen:

Sheila K. loved to dance but she wouldn’t go out on the dance floor for fear she’d look clumsy and ridiculous.

Arnie M.’s fear of going into business to sell the jewelry he loved to design kept him from quitting a job he detested; his continued unhappiness constantly spilled over onto his family.

Delia B. was so afraid of rejection by the son she gave up for adoption that she never called the number she had discovered for him.

Fear is that nattering voice inside our heads that says, you can’t, you shouldn’t, what if…. Fear keeps

us from taking risks that might enrich our life or holds us back from doing some things we need to do.

Experience new and exciting vistas? Accomplish something really great? Fear says, “Not on your life.”

This isn’t to say fear is all bad.

At its best it’s an instinctive, natural ability to help us survive. Without fear we might attempt to stroll across freeways or scratch behind a lion’s ears. But given the upper hand, fear can dominate our life and make even the innocuous—taking a walk or answering the phone—a daunting experience.

Ninety-nine percent of what we worry about never happens, according to Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It

Anyway. “There’s a voice inside our head that’s always heralding doom and disaster even before we get started on something,” she says.

On its own, fear won’t disappear. Following are some strategies to help you deal with fears that might be holding you back from something you want or need to do.

• Get information. In an information void, fear clicks in to do what it thinks is its job. But when you find out about what scares you, you replace fear with knowledge.
• Learn how to do it. If there’s something you’d like to do, but you’re afraid to try, take lessons. We’re not born knowing how to ride horses or make pottery.
• Find models. Let someone who’s not afraid model courage for you. Just as fearful behavior breeds the jitters, courageous behavior invites confidence.
• Talk to yourself. Self-talk filled with positive messages can change fear energy into positive energy.

Eliminate the can’ts, shouldn’ts and ought-tos from your self-talk vocabulary.

• Use your  imagination. Before you arrive at the party, imagine other guests are as frightened as you. See your audience as people who really want the information you have. Visualize yourself doing what you are afraid to do; see yourself as graceful, strong and capable.
• Focus on the little things. Keep your mind on the details, not the Big Picture. Complete the report word by word, pay the bills one by one, see the group individual by individual.
• Expand your comfort zone. Take a small risk each day. Make one phone call, ask for one thing you want, go to one new place. Little by little your confidence will expand, too.
• Relax and breathe. Sometimes the physical response to fear creates even more fear. Physically relax your body and breathe in and out to release tension