A Letter From Rick Yaverbaum Spring 2016

When we struggle in our relation- ships with others, we often work over- time to get them to change their ways. However if they are unmotivated or seemingly unable to change, we can easily get frustrated.

Our wish for them to change may be for selfish reasons (how their actions affect me) or it may be that change would primarily benefit them (they would function better at home, work or school).

We need to remember that we cannot change others; only they can change themselves. However, what we can do is change ourself. We can change how we behave or interact with that person. We can change how we think about certain situations and  different ways to react or speak to the people around us.

As humans, we have patterns of thinking and behavior that we do over and over again, even though often it is not working. We do an interactional dance with the people we know. We have to change our own dance steps

if we want to have any hope that they will change theirs.

This issue concerns itself with self-change. Changing ourselves is good for us individually and for our relationships with others. When others see us change, it puts pressure on them to respond in kind. It models a way forward and opens the door for them to consider self-reflection and a change.